.

somethings never change
and yet change is the only thing that stays the same
 

I`ve been on a rap kick for about a month now
I think i`ve listen to AESOP`s float everyday front to back
Alot of Eminem too
I`m starting to listen to lil wayne lols,
Don`t really care for him I like his flow but the songs about being thug and money are dumb imo
I do love when he raps about life and shit thats the kinda like rap I like alot

 

I just dont know myself these days anymore
I`m more lost in my head then the people are around me on the topic of wtf I`m doing
I just feel shitty, lame, dumb and aloof


this is when i get to be a contradiction
i hate people and friends period
granted theres like only a handful, like 5 max that I actually want to talk to let alone hang out
but for the most part i fucking hate poeple
i am not social and im a horriable friend
i cant seem to keep in touch and vent or do whatever it is friends do on a regular basis
i dont want to talk or tell you my life but hey lets hang out and give eachother something to do, thats about as far as i go
idk
im crazy period done.
 

however lately i just want to go out and do shit and talk to people
but as soon as i start im like ok fuck this i want to go home and be alone
im pretty sure ive got some social disorder or anexity
idk i cant make up my mind
like theres people who i love and think to myself like wow i want to hang out with you and your awesome lets be bff
but i make no attempt or ever try to talk to those poeple (mike, bryan, tianna)
the only poeple ive stayed friends with actually is amanda, anthony, justin........... i got 3
idk hi im roy im dumb crazy and random ill make no sense hey hey thats me

 

fuck i just dont want to be apart of anything
its like i cant seem to find what im looking for
although im not very sure what im looking for
i feel like im one of those 3d puzzles you have you stare at for a long time to see whats really in it
however everyone looking at me is colorblind

i dont even kow why i updated this
i thought it would make me feel better
i doubt anyone reads this shit ahahaha
whatever fuck it
happy new year
ill be working at 5 am